So I talked to my English teacher and I’m just gonna make up some of my second semester stuff I missed throughout the summer online. Kind of like summer school, but not because I did really well first semester. So I’m no longer wanting to run away and die, I’m actually kind of happy to be doing this. If I could’ve done my entire year online I probably would’ve never...
amoying: yogvrt: what if swag was pronounced swaj the swaj mahal
kawaii-santa-chan: kawaii-santa-chan: kawaii-santa-chan: there is no teacher in my history class rn and we are all just sitting here and being really quiet and whenever somebody opens the door, everyone turns around because we think its a sub but its not and then we just shush whoever walks in update: we’re taking attendance and sending it down so nobody suspects that we dont have a...
Me: what now?
Anxiety: Nothing, just wanted to worry you today.
Anxiety: Hey your boyfriend/girlfriend didn't text you back, they're probably with someone else right now.
Anxiety: Oh your best friend hasn't spoken to you today either. They're probably sick of your shit.
Anxiety: Your parents said they're really proud of you..do you honestly believe that?
Anxiety: Where do you see yourself in a year? Oh wait, you can barely get through a day!
Me: ...shut up.
Anxiety: Will you ever rise to anything?
Me: Shut up!
Anxiety: Or are you always this pathetic? Lol
Me: Why can't you leave me alone!?
Anxiety: Because messing with your head is what I live for.
"I might date you if you lost a few..."
So I just found this drunken Vine attempt on my phone and I thought you all would enjoy a little laugh :)
epiicer: If you say “old sport” three times in front of your mirror Gatsby will appear and awkwardly hit on your wife
craplos: ladies. be careful when u wear spaghetti straps. it might distract the boys. they’ll start thinking of spaghetti. they will get hungry. they will stop at nothing to get their spaghetti.
psilentasincjelli: If I ever tell you I’m going to sleep and then you see me posting or liking things online for about an hour immediately after that, I promise I wasn’t lying to you, I’m just bad at going to sleep and it is usually a long process that begins with disengaging from any sort of immediate contact with people (chats, for example) and ends when everything on my screen is blurry and...
myskinnylife: Tumblr has taught me more about feminism, women rights, rape culture, slut shaming, etc, more than school ever had. And there is something wrong with that.
(I’m running errands for my pregnant wife. While walking to a nearby store, I see two teenagers harassing a child that is only four or five years old. I shoo them away from the boy, and he introduces himself.)
Me: “So, where’s your mom at?”
Boy: “She’s in the store. Do you have kids?”
Me: “Not yet. We’re expecting a baby girl soon, though.”
Boy: “Well, she’s going to turn out nice, like you! So, I’m going to marry her someday!”
(I laugh, and play along while I bring him to the service desk, and wait until his mom picks him up. Six years later, my daughter comes home from school and introduces us to a friend that defended her against a bully on the playground. I didn’t recognize him, but he certainly knew who I was!)
obamasdaughterssister: obamasdaughtersboyfriend: obamasdaughter: obamathepresident: obamasdaughtersboyfriend: obamasdaughter: I love my boyfriend <3 I love my girlfriend remember to wear protection wtf dad Wtf mr president omg lol busted
yourhogwartsletter: karenandthababes: can you imagine if I order a pizza from pizza hut, dominos, and papa johns and told them to be at my house by a certain time and they all came at the same time do you know how awkward that would be #gentlemen #I bet you’re wondering why I’ve gathered you all here today #I’m here to talk to you about the Pizza Initiative #the only thing...